It’s not a loss, it’s a gain…

To the moms that are struggling conceiving… Don’t worry, God makes no mistakes. Even though in our heart, we feel it’s a mistake… fear not, Gods got a plan for you. To the moms who keep miscarring or lost a child. Know that you did not lose, you gained a Guardian Angel. Your baby will not be forgotten. You will have your rainbow child if that’s what you desire. A rainbow baby is a baby born after a childloss. It is not a loss, we gain a forever Angel. As a mother, we do not forget. Sometimes, I think about the baby we lost, what I would have named the baby, what life would be if it went differently. I often wonder if other people forgot about my baby. I cry behind closed doors when I’m alone. I still hurt. Am I wrong for still hurting even though I’ve had children after my loss? No. My children now, will never replace the children I’ve lost. Although I love all my babies equally none of them can be replaced. My babies each own a piece of my heart. It is not a loss. It’s a gain. 

6 thoughts on “It’s not a loss, it’s a gain…”

  1. Remy was born on 4/4/2014 at 35 weeks. He weighed 6lbs 15oz and was the most perfect baby ever. He stayed 1 extra night in the hospital for his jaundice. Due to overexcitement and wanting the world to see my new baby I let the visitors flow in. Multiple people would come almost every day. Around 2 weeks old we were heading to get his newborn pictures taken and I noticed he kept turning blue. So we rushed him to his pediatrician instead. As soon as we got there they hooked him up and called a ambulance. We were transferred to cape fear. They ran so many tests, all the tests you could think of. A few days of being in the hospital we found out he had HSV-1. I was tested negative. The doctors were certain that it was a guest that gave it to him. The doctor wanted to treat it at home so he surgically put in a broviax port. The next day we noticed he was having small seizures. Things went down hill fast. He continued to have seizures. He had 3 in one minute. They did repeat scans everyday all day. The following day we got transferred to UNC. They were waiting on his scans to decide further treatment. The next day he turned limp and green. They rushed my son off. Hours later I got to see him. He was hooked to so many machines. We found out his brain was covered in blood and caused his skull to fracture. He had a stroke and also his seizures. The whole time me and my family were being told my son would be okay and he would live to have a happy life. He passed away that day after me and my husband signed papers to have him removed off life support. I held my son for over a hour as he grasped for air. He lived 28 days.

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  2. Emily, I want you to know Remy will never be forgotten. He is always looking over his little brothers. Youre a strong woman, keep holding up tight and I’m always hear when you want to talk.

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  3. Karter Jeremiah Mckoy was born May 14th 2015 at 22 weeks. His heart stopped beating and I chose to go into labor instead of him being vacuumed out. I felt a d&e was disrespectful to my child. I had labor and still had to have a d&e to get remaining stuff out. I never held him or saw him. I couldn’t care to see him and I didn’t want that image in my head forever. We got his footprints on a card from the hospital and cremated Karter and decided to keep him in our room. He is always on my mind and I always wonder what he would look like. I know he is around and looks over his little sister.

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    1. wow Holly, that’s deep. Karter J will NEVER be forgotten. I named my son Carter I love that name. I understand not wanting to see him. It’s probably best to make your own image of him. I know he was sooo handsome. Don’t worry, Karter is watching over your daughter as I type. Praying for better days.

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  4. I gave birth to my little girl Kynnadi Marie on March 14th 2015 I was 22 weeks pregnant when she was born I went to cape Fear Friday night due to having constant pains that were coming and going I went to the er as I didn’t know protocol I was immediately rushed up to labor and delivery once there I sat at the insurance window for over an hour constantly asking could we hurry up or do this later because I really needed to be seen o was told not to worry that if it was real labor they would have just done that paperwork later over an hour I finally get to my room and they tell me I’m having contractions. They said that my water sac was bulging but it was not leaking nor had it broken I was out in an upside down position to get the water sac to move back up. I was given nothing to stop contractions or labor after several hours the pain became unbearable and still they did nothing finally they put morphine in my iv which I didn’t want because it has always made me throw up well of course I threw up and the motions of vomiting caused my water to break my doctor had left the hospital they told me not to worry after a few minutes I said that I felt her coming to which they told me she wasn’t and to stop pushing I was not pushing I tried to tell them again and they would not listen i went to roll over onto my back and she literally slid out. She was 14 ounces and 10 inches long the nurse came in and grabbed her she was alive the entire time I was in labor I was told a nicu Dr would be by to see me I never saw one after she was born nothing was done and she was placed in my arms I was still told that a nicu Dr would come talk to me somewhere between 4 and 7 hours is how long I held my daughter alive before she passed away in my arms I never once saw the nicu Dr and I never saw my doctor again after she came out after she passed I got about another hour with her where I let my family and my inlaws hold her as some of them didn’t make it in time to get to hold her while she was alive my inlaws lived 6 hours away after they took her down to the morgue I was immediately discharged my angel would be 2 and a half now and I miss her everyday

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  5. Thank you for sharing this. It really sucks that the doctors and nurses weren’t more attentive to the situation. I wonder if the nurse of duty feels it’s their fault. They should have apologized to you. A mother always knows what’s going on with her body. *Hugs*. Kynnadi marie will never be forgotten.

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